I have been married to my husband for four years. We have two small children. He has a problem with marijuana, cocaine and alcohol. I am a Christian and try to attend church as often as possible. He has no interest in church now although he used to attend when we were dating. I have tried cocaine with him and I know it was wrong.
I am trying so hard to live a godly life. I do not want to be around the drugs. However, sometimes it is hard to say no to it when it is in the same house. I do not want my kids growing up in this mess. I have tried to talk to him. I have even suggested that we go to counseling together, but he refuses. If he keeps refusing, would I be wrong in leaving him knowing that this environment is dangerous and unhealthy for my kids?
- K. from North Carolina
The right thing to do (Part 1)
You are right that this is a dangerous situation. Maybe that's true in more ways than you have considered. The drugs in the house are creating a poisonous environment even if the children are too young to understand it yet. The drugs are a temptation to you; one you have already given in to at least once. How much money is being siphoned away from the family needs for this drug habit?
The drugs are illegal and your household is in jeopardy from that standpoint also. If by some chance police became involved and drugs were found on premise, it is possible your children would be removed by child protective services. In addition, your husband could go to jail. Perhaps that seems a remote possibility but stranger things have happened.
Why take the chance? Would you be wrong to leave your husband if he will not stop? NO! In my view you would be wrong to stay considering the scenario you have described. If there was a physical danger in your home such as a fire or a gas leak you would never consider hanging around hoping that eventually it would be okay. Think about the drugs in the same way and it will be apparent what you need to do.
Right now your husband has no interest in change. Perhaps he is deeply addicted and if he were honest would admit that he CAN'T stop. Perhaps he is in denial which is one of the significant markers of addiction. No one can make this decision for him; he has to come to that for himself.
Steps for you (Part 2)
Does this mean there is nothing you can do besides leave? No, I think there are some things you can do as you navigate through a very difficult process. I would imagine that you love your husband so emotionally and perhaps financially it may be very difficult to make a break such as this.
You need help. You need the support of family, friends, and church. You may need some type of social service support also. Pursue all these paths in every way that is open to you. Please make an appointment with your pastor and be completely honest about the current condition of your household. If by some chance your pastor does not seem to "get it", go elsewhere until you are understood and taken seriously.
From a spiritual perspective I have this to offer you. "For your husband is your Maker, whose name is the Lord of hosts." (Isaiah 54:5) I note that you are trying to live a godly life and yet you are struggling with an attraction to the very things you realize are both wrong and dangerous. In our own strength it is nearly impossible to live a holy life. We need grace and lots of help from the Holy Spirit. Seek it! Look to the Lord as your husband. He is ready and willing to fulfill that role for you.
It may be that as you put the Lord first in your life he will do miracles regarding your husband that you can't imagine. Don't let that be your motivation though; you should seek God for his own sake and because he is worthy to be served. On the other hand, you can expect God to bring forth his best plan for your life and for your children. Trust him as you step out making healthy and right decisions. I promise the Lord will not disappoint you.