Where is my wife?

The Question:

Where is my wife? Didn't God say it is not good for man to be alone before he made Eve for Adam? I'm in my late twenties; trying to have faith that God will send me a companion. I have prayed and prayed and tried to have patience. Any thoughts you could share on this topic?

- Marc from Toledo, Oh.


The Answer
Part 1: THE ONE
Part 2: Being THE ONE

THE ONE (Part 1)

I'm happy to hear you are counting God into this equation. It sounds like you aren't forcing the issue or willing to settle for any warm body instead of God's perfect choice. I think that the best thing about waiting to get married is looking at all of the people who didn't. So many couples married early and unwisely and made big mistakes. Now they are divorced and they are sitting and praying like you are but for a second spouse.

Remember also that the trend today is to wait longer to get married. It is not at all uncommon for people to wait to marry until they are in their thirties or longer. I can't tell you what is going to happen for you - or when, but I can give you some advice on how you wait.

We often hear about "THE ONE". "I'm waiting for the one." "When I meet the one God has for me…" "Do you think this could be the one?" All eyes are on looking for THE ONE. But what if we turn it around? What if, instead of looking for THE ONE, we concentrate on being THE ONE?

That means working very hard on our own development. If someone out there is looking for a perfect marriage partner, how closely do we fit the bill? Thinking of it that way turns passive waiting into fruitful and active waiting. That kind flies by more quickly than staring out into space hoping THE ONE will float in.

Are you the kind of person someone would consider a real catch? Are you mature and enterprising, stable, unselfish, enjoyable to be around with a good sense of humor, honorable and trustworthy? Are you faithful? Are your life priorities in order? Do you have something to offer, not just an ability to take?

Next: How do I become THE ONE?


Being THE ONE (Part 2)

Most people who want to get married have some sort of list in mind of qualities they are looking for in a life partner. It's even a good idea to write them down. Topping the list for the Christian should always be that your partner has a relationship with the Lord. "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14)

After this you may have a whole set of personality traits and interests that you are looking for. That's great and that's valid. But in the meanwhile, why don't you start working the list to see how you stack up? Are you looking for a good listener? Well, how good a listener are you? If someone were considering a marriage proposal from you, what hesitations would they have?

I suggest that you do a personality assessment on yourself and honestly try to admit your own character weaknesses. Submit them to the Lord for scrutiny. Ask for help in becoming the most eligible single person out there. You may think: yes, but won't the other person balance me out? I'm messy but won't their tidiness overcome my flaw? That's fine as long as you are willing to reverse that. You won't mind if they are always late while you are always on time?

Now, while you wait for THE ONE, throw yourself into life at every level. Work your career full force. Have hobbies. Learn how to do new things. Volunteer. Become as interesting as you want the other person to be. Additionally, use this time while you wait to really concentrate on God.

Can you go on a short term mission project? Later during marriage and family you may not have such an opportunity. Develop your spiritual life and form good habits that will last you into your marriage and for the rest of your life. Spend daily time in God's Word. Learn how to pray - not just little throw them up there prayers but the kind of prayers that do violence to the kingdom of darkness and bring heaven upon the earth.

God has a right timing for every event in our lives and he remembers you and your desire to marry. Keep praying for THE ONE. In the meanwhile, become THE ONE.

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