Marriage or Dream Career

The Question:

I want to know if my marriage is worth holding on to if we are both going in two different directions and he wants to pursue a career that is totally not in conjunction with our marriage. He says it is his dream and I am not going to stop him. But in the mean time I have to just deal with everything. I know that God wants me to focus on getting myself together and healing from the past, but I know I deserve better than the way I am getting treated.

LG from Milwaukee, Wisconsin


The Answer
Part 1: Sticking with the plan

Sticking with the plan (Part 1)

I'm going to try reading between the lines here. I don't know what kind of a career is not in conjunction with your marriage so I'm going to assume your husband is spending long hours away from home to insure success at his dream job. You say you have "to just deal with everything." I translate that to mean you resent bearing the burden of all the work which a husband and wife normally share. (Just remember that if you divorce, you will have to do 100% of that anyhow.)

Rather than zero in on how hard your life is right now I would like you to pull back and possibly see things from a different perspective. Let's go back to your marriage itself. To whom did you make those vows: your husband and God, right? Didn't you promise to keep your marriage covenant for better or worse until death would part you?

Marriage has both times: better and worse. Right now you are experiencing "worse" but if you see it through you will find that times of "better" will also come along. When you quit during the hard times, what do you have to show for it? Probably a sense of failure and even greater need for "healing from the past."

I suggest that rather than let go of the marriage, you ask God how he can use your current difficulties to build your character and form you more into the image of Jesus. This is the hardest thing you will ever do because it means you have to die to your flesh, and any selfishness you may have. Who wants that?

Yet, that is the thing God is most interested in. He is looking at eternity while we often keep our nose buried in the earth. That does not mean God wants you to live a miserable life; no, he wants you to have abundance. But the best way to have that abundant life requires doing things God's way instead of your own way.

Yes, your marriage is worth holding on to. Stick it out but don't just endure - get help if you two need it and pray a whole bunch! You can make it!

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