Desperate to Marry

The Question:

I have been divorced for over 6 years but, after the divorce, was in a five year relationship with a man who regularly asked me to marry him. My answer was always; "I'm waiting on the Lord." Over time he decided to take a job in another state, and I stayed here. We decided to go our separate ways but remained friends and still love each other. However, he's moved on and started dating again and I'm having a very difficult time letting go.

I suddenly have an overwhelming desire to get married. I've never before felt so convicted and consumed with the desire to get married. What is this and why now all of a sudden? I don't know what to do. I'm in constant prayer for the right husband but each day I feel desperate. What am I supposed to be learning from this?

JM from El Dorado


The Answer
Part 1: Wants what she can't have

Wants what she can't have (Part 1)

Here is an interesting thing to consider: if this man suddenly returned to you and gave you another chance, how do you think you would react? Would all doubts flee and would you marry him and live happily ever after or do you think you would return to "I'm waiting on the Lord"?

What would that tell you? It would get you closer to what the real issues are. You see, there are some people who only want what they cannot have. The minute something they craved becomes available, they don't want it anymore.

Think about this: you dated this man for five years so you surely knew him pretty well. You were in love with him and he was in love with you. He wanted to marry you and you wanted to get married. What was the problem? Something inside you prevented you from moving forward. Now that he has moved on you feel desperate to marry.

Why do people experience such dilemmas? Part of the reason may be to protect themselves. You need to ask yourself what issue may still remain from your previous marriage that would hinder a new one. Perhaps you are afraid to trust again or be vulnerable to the possibility of so much pain in the future.

I am not a trained counselor so I don't feel qualified to diagnose whatever emotional barriers may be present in your life. A counseling session with a Christian therapist is probably a smart step for you. From a spiritual perspective I can tell you that the Lord hears your prayers and has a plan to prosper and bless you.

I think you can begin to seek the Lord, not to marry again, but to pursue emotional healing for the deep places of your heart. You asked what you are supposed to be learning from this. Maybe this is an occasion for a wound you have been carrying out of sight for years to be lanced clean. The old bandages are filthy and infection is seeping out. Now take those bandages off and come under the care of the Divine Physician.

Once you are healed you will probably be ready for a new husband and a wonderful life. I pray you will have it.

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