Choosing a spouse

Straight Talk

The Question

Is it wrong to have a certain preference in terms of race when it comes to desirables of a future spouse? My upbringing and mindset is several cultures away from my culture of origin.

V. From United Kingdom

The Answer
Part 1: The choice is yours

The choice is yours

I don’t think it is wrong at all. Having a preference is different from disqualifying someone up front for his or her race alone. Anyhow, how could it be wrong to be choosey when making the most important decision of your life—the one with whom you will share the most intimate human relationship?

I could end my answer there because it’s a fairly simple question but I’ll take this opportunity to make a couple of additional comments about choosing a spouse. I’ve noticed that some Christians approach a marriage partner from such a spiritual perspective they forget to include common sense and natural preferences. While the bond of faith is essential, (“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” – 2 Corinthians 6:14 NKJV) marriage can’t work well if it’s the only thing in common.

God created each of us uniquely and our likes and dislikes are part of that. You mention that your upbringing and mindset don’t match your culture of origin. Well, that’s part of what makes you YOU. God is well aware. Your “desirables” in race probably fits right in with God’s perfect partner for you.

It’s not a good idea to reject someone out of hand because of their race for any type of relationship whether friendship, dating or marriage. However, it’s good to be in tune with your own preferences regarding appearance, personality, living style and even cultural heritage and history.

Once married to someone, everything that you liked or disliked about them will be amplified over time. A habit that was only slightly annoying before may become nearly unbearable after years of living with it. So take advantage of every compatibility you can before the final choice is made—one that is meant to be “until death do you part.”