In Love With Love

Straight Talk

The Question

I have a friend that seems to fall in love quite easily. Her father was not very involved in her life as a child nor as an adult but her mother has always been quite supportive of her. My friend seems to be looking for love. She is quick to have sex with the men that she encounters and ends up hurt shortly after. What scriptures could I pass on to her to give her encouragement that God will find the man He created for her?

— VW from Harrisonburg, Virginia

The Answer
Part 1: Defining root issues
Part 2: Seeking Father God

Defining root issues (Part 1)

I’m not sure scriptures about God’s perfect match for her would really make a difference. Why? Because I’m not sure that would address the real issue. You don’t say but I’m assuming your friend is a Christian because you wish to encourage her with scripture and she probably wouldn’t be open to that if she weren’t.

I agree with you that your friend is looking for love. But I wonder if she is having easy sex not so much because she fears God does not have a husband for her but because her need for affection outweighs moral considerations. Sadly, there are thousands today just like her.

It is no wonder to me that Satan has targeted men to emasculate them and strip them of the powerful influence they are destined for as faithful husbands and fathers. It’s a pretty brilliant plan and he’s been far too successful. Think of the men your friend is falling into bed with. Ultimately they are using her for their own need and the end result falls far short of God’s plan for either party.

You seem to feel your friend’s neediness stems back to a father who was not very involved in her life. I bet you’re right. At least that’s probably a good starting point. If that is correct, unless she resolves it, even marriage may end up in hurt and disappointment. She may unrealistically crave a kind of love (missed in childhood) no husband has any hope of fulfilling.

So what do I suggest for your friend? I suggest you help her seek after “Abba.” When Jesus prayed in the garden before his great suffering he called out; “’Abba! Father!’” (Mark 14:36) It was a very intimate familial term somewhat like a child who cries out “Daddy!” Perhaps through the discovery of God as Abba, your friend can find the security she needs to grow to emotional health.

Seeking Father God (Part 2)

It is from the security of a true father’s love that your friend’s deep neediness will give way to maturity and readiness for the right husband. Naturally you can’t just tell her to stop feeling the way she is feeling and recognize how much God loves her. It’s a revelation and a process.

However, you asked for scriptures. Perhaps you can suggest Psalm 139. I like the fact that it deals with the all-knowing, all-present power of God yet brings it home in a very personal way. For instance verse 9 says, “If I take the wings of the dawn, if I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, even there Thy hand will lead me, and Thy right hand will lay hold of me.”

What if your friend began to realize that God is with her every moment and cares enough to extend his hand to her in every circumstance? Recognizing him as a participant even on her dates might also help her regulate appropriate activities. Another verse says, “I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Verse 14) Tell her to mediate on that awhile until she ends up respecting herself too much to settle for anything less than God’s best plan.

Does your friend see herself the way you see her? Does she have any clue about the roots of her behavior, as you perceive them? Naturally if she does not you will need to be very careful about how you approach introducing your solutions. From your side, I would say that focused prayer could prepare her for God’s revelation and God’s healing solutions.

Pray that God will reach her in ways that you are unable to. Pray that she will begin to connect the dots between her root wounded-ness and her current lifestyle. Pray that God will give her a new image of himself as her true Father. Pray for a hedge of protection to surround her so she doesn’t make a costly mistake in a bad relationship.

God bless you as you minister his healing love. Your friend is blessed to have a friend like you!